The bear's sister announced to us last night that she is pregnant. The pills must be working because I only had a small cry, rather than the exhaustingly bitter torrents of tears that have been more usual of late. I wonder if I'm suppressing it and it's all going to explode when we spend Christmas together with the in-laws. I hope not!
The awful thing was that we did it over webcam, so I had to plaster a smile across my face, and maintain it for a good ten minutes. The bear's sister announced it in a nice way - that we're going to be an aunt and uncle - which actually is a very nice feeling. That baby will be very special to us. As everyone says I look like Nick's sister, the baby might even look a bit like me in spite of not being a blood relative!
I had a very small cry to my parents over the phone while the bear was still on Skype to the Rouennais, so that by the time he got off the phone I could be happy and positive about it. I didn't want my poor husband to feel he couldn't be happy for his own sister because his wife was falling apart. The sad thing was that actually, regardless of my bravado, he is feeling a bit depressed about it in his own right. He wanted to be a father before he was an uncle, and now his little sister has overtaken him! I worry for the bear at the moment. I think he is going through one of the darkest phases of the infertility journey - he can't stand seeing families with young children, tells the telly to f*** off every time there's a pregnant woman, or baby, etc. I was there about 6 months ago - couldn't see a baby in Sainsburys without welling up.
The poor bear. I at least have chemical assistance now to get me through it all, and I also have this blog, which no-one reads, but which is a wonderful overflow for my darkest moods! Perhaps I should encourage the bear to do the same!
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