The Family

It's been a while now since I last posted to this blog, and an entry is long overdue. Sharing the location of the blog with my two best friends when drunk has made me reticent to post any more for fear of ridicule, even though I know they never would. Suddenly the thought of anyone who actually know me reading this often self-indulgent outpour of mush, made me feel a bit embarrassed. Probably more for my trite writing style than for the content! Anyhow, I must continue - if only to take out of my head the thoughts and monologues that pop into it from time to time!

Since the last entry I've been feeling mostly OK. The last appointment with the specialist seems to have been a bit of a release for me (if not the bear) and I have genuinely felt a lot less under pressure. I've got drunk a couple of times (wonderful following the self-imposed ban since Jan this year), and have even - HORROR - smoked the odd cigarette, which although EXTREMELY naughty (I really don't want to get addicted again) has reminded me of the person I was before all this began. Carefree, and a bit of a hard-core partier!!

While the thought of never having a baby of my own saddens me still, I am beginning to see some advantages. The bear and I aren't the tidiest of people, and I can't imagine having a child in our currently messy house. I suppose when you've got a baby you don't go out so much, thereby freeing up time to do housework, but funnily enough, that doesn't really appeal! We also both seem to be very tired of an evening, and the mind boggles at how much worse that might be if you have a child to a) get you out of bed much earlier and b) look after when you get home. Again, I suppose as a parent you adapt, go to bed earlier, sacrifice your evenings to the nurture of your little darlings. But again, I'm not sure that appeals!

Last night I caught a bit of a new reality TV series called 'The Family'. Incomprehensibly, some ordinary family has volunteered to live with cameras in their home so that the nation can get off on their dysfunctionality. The bit I caught showcased the mother and daughter (19) in the midst of a pretty blazing row. In fairness to the daughter, I remember myself at that age as being pretty troublesome too - full of hormones and half way into adulthood, with the absolute conviction that I was the most rational person in any conversation even though the opposite was probably true. The thing was, it made me wonder why people do it to themselves. By the end of the row, the mother looked exhausted and miserable. She ended up arguing with her husband, who she felt had allied himself with the daughter in the row. The husband grovelled, while looking like he wanted to escape to the pub, the wife sobbed into her hands, the daughter stormed out, and the son lay on the sofa looking anxious and frightened. So remind me.... why is it that I so want a family of my own???!