I had my follow up appointment with the specialist today, and though I was never expecting miracles, I have to say that I have come out feeling very disheartened indeed. My specialist is a very practical lady, who I feel was probably born in the wrong century. I think she would've made a brilliant Victorian governess, or orphanage manager. It's not that she's deliberately cruel, but I think just a bit too dispassionate for the job she does. Still perhaps 30+ years of dealing with infertile females will do that. It would probably be very destructive if you allowed yourself to empathise with every couple who walked through the door.
I suppose as well it is part of the job of a fertility specialist to prepare the couple for the possibility of never having children, and there's no point in offering false hope or pussy-footing around the subject. Today I learned that if I do not concieve naturally in the next year (taking us up to 3) the likelihood of me having children naturally will fall to practically 0.
The other thing I learned is that the region I live in is not very good for IVF - which it appears, is my ONE remaining option. What follows is absolutely scandalous I believe, in a society that will pay for gastric bypass surgery (no sympathy from me - I've lost 10kg in the last 10 months through blood, sweat and effing tears). Anyway, I digress. Currently the rules for receiving assisted conception treatment in my county are:
1) You must be between the ages of 35 and 38 (I therefore have 4 years to wait until I am eligible)
2) If you pay for a cycle of treatment privately, you are no longer eligible to receive a free cycle on the NHS
3) If you have a miscarriage during this time, you must wait another three years before you will be considered for IVF.
4) You only get one shot at it on the NHS.
I'm sorry, but what a fucking load of shite. Now I realise that my problems are really only of concern to myself, and an over-stretched NHS may feel it has better things to deal with that someone in perfect health who simply can't get herself up the duff. But when you think how many billions they have spent on an IT system that doesn't work; how much they must spend each year on prolonging the lives of elderly people who are just ready to go (this might sound really heartless, and I guess it is. But from an economic point of view, isn't it better to invest in new life, which will ultimately go out into the workplace and pay National Insurance, Income Tax, Council Tax. pension contributions, and interest on their outrageously expensive hobbit-dwelling, thereby feeding the economy?? I'm angry, I guess you can tell.)
And, though not the fault of the health system - where's the justice in a world where irresponsible bankers (with a silent w) weed their way into positions of power by being stupider and more immoral than all the other candidates, and then lay waste to whole banking organisations and national economies with their ridiculously inflated bonuses. I don't really know what that has to do with my situation, except that if the economy were better managed perhaps there'd be a bit more health funding available to help people like me.
I really want to go out and get WASTED and smoke a hundred cigarettes, but of course I can't. I couldn't then come to work tomorrow and then where would I be?? Oh yes, maybe I'd be getting wise like all the other fuckers out there who scrounge off the system. Seriously I work hard, and the bear works hard, and all we've got is an ex-council house that people used to live in for free, with a mortgage that saps up most of one salary, and a job which definitely does not pay as well as banking does! I'd probably get IVF tomorrow if I quit my job! Or maybe I'd get pregnant straight away if all I had to do was lie in bed shagging all day and relaxing. There's something to be said for that I'm sure.
Anyway. Ya boo and fucking sucks to everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment